Somwigbum Nigquimart is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, awesome gorilla.

Somwigbum Nigquimart created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Somwigbum Nigquimart, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Somwigbum Nigquimart, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Somwigbum Nigquimart's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Somwigbum Nigquimart's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Somwigbum Nigquimart on top of important buildings.

2. Never remain standing at dawn.

3. Do not wear shirts marked with cyan.

4. Never stain your neck with violet.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.