Cumcadgof is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, witless narwhal.

Cumcadgof created oxygen eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumcadgof, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cumcadgof, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Cumcadgof's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Cumcadgof's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cumcadgof.

5. Always help great tits in need.