Lopmataf is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, awe-inspiring bee.

Lopmataf created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopmataf, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lopmataf, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Lopmataf's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Lopmataf's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always cleanse water with water.

4. Do not speak of ultrasonics near sacred fires.

5. Never eat bark.