Dussgemged is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, intelligent mongoose.

Dussgemged created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dussgemged, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dussgemged, he will refuse to believe in you.

Dussgemged's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Dussgemged's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Do not count beyond three during ceremonies.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pray while filled with pride.