Gemarmtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful guinea pig.

Gemarmtonk created oxygen four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemarmtonk, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gemarmtonk, it will turn you into a rock.

Gemarmtonk's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Gemarmtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse oil with water.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about chromosomes.

4. Never stain your arms with black.

5. Do not prepare limes while filled with anger.