Lapvaghim is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, staggering wren.

Lapvaghim created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapvaghim, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapvaghim, she will torture you forever.

Lapvaghim's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Lapvaghim's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands cyan.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

4. Worship no other gods but Lapvaghim.

5. Do not speak of fluid mechanics near sacred fires.