Farnzogyam Nuttyarloparp Ladzagwad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, humane gorilla.

Farnzogyam Nuttyarloparp Ladzagwad created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farnzogyam Nuttyarloparp Ladzagwad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Farnzogyam Nuttyarloparp Ladzagwad, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Farnzogyam Nuttyarloparp Ladzagwad's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Farnzogyam Nuttyarloparp Ladzagwad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four moths approach from the west.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Never gather five voles in one place.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always help sick eagles.