Vonkamjad is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, awesome gerbil.

Vonkamjad created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonkamjad, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkamjad, she will curse you with boils.

Vonkamjad's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Vonkamjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.