Lanyarpfob is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unthinking mink.

Lanyarpfob created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanyarpfob, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lanyarpfob, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lanyarpfob's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Lanyarpfob's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of gooseberries to rats while wearing orange kilts.

2. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

3. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.

4. Do not wear shoes marked with white.

5. Pray towards the west.