Vonkcemfad is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome shark.

Vonkcemfad created oxygen four years ago.

If you believe in Vonkcemfad, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vonkcemfad, it will laugh at you.

Vonkcemfad's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Vonkcemfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lentils to nematodes while wearing green trousers.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Do not wear stockings marked with cyan.

4. Never write about enzymes.

5. You must love Vonkcemfad.