Zagjatcap is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, smart hydra.

Zagjatcap created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagjatcap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zagjatcap, he will laugh at you.

Zagjatcap's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Zagjatcap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.