Hasvabpad is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, pitiless monkey.

Hasvabpad created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hasvabpad, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hasvabpad, it will not care at all.

Hasvabpad's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Hasvabpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your chest with fawn markings.

2. Pray only in moonlight.

3. Do not step barefoot upon gray earth.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

5. Worship no other gods but Hasvabpad.