Arpspaggess is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, idiotic walrus.

Arpspaggess created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Arpspaggess, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Arpspaggess, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Arpspaggess' most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Arpspaggess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not travel during spring.

2. Hide if eight voles approach from the south.

3. Never record signs.

4. Always store pineapples above ground.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.