Janvagvadcetcar is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, ill-tempered tapir.

Janvagvadcetcar created the Milkyway three billion years ago.

If you believe in Janvagvadcetcar, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Janvagvadcetcar, he will turn you into a slug.

Janvagvadcetcar's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Janvagvadcetcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not step barefoot upon cyan earth.