Yattbifflig Dutsasquim is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, generous capybara.

Yattbifflig Dutsasquim created oxygen five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yattbifflig Dutsasquim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yattbifflig Dutsasquim, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Yattbifflig Dutsasquim's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Yattbifflig Dutsasquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your head with turquoise.

2. Erect three titanium sculptures of Yattbifflig Dutsasquim on top of important buildings.

3. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Never gather four goats near wells.