Gatwonbug is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, vain bird.

Gatwonbug created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatwonbug, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Gatwonbug, he will turn you into a rock.

Gatwonbug's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Gatwonbug's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never adorn your neck with black markings.

3. Heed all signs.

4. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

5. Never sit near capybaras.