Quamzen is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, caring jaguar.

Quamzen created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quamzen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quamzen, he will think nothing of it.

Quamzen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Quamzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not take Quamzen's name in vain.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Worship no other gods but Quamzen.