Kamjamrul Cimyoktif is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, charitable porpoise.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamjamrul Cimyoktif, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kamjamrul Cimyoktif, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Kamjamrul Cimyoktif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near otters while wearing violet jumpers and balancing six tin spheres on your neck.

2. Never wear turquoise ear rings.

3. Never cross mountains at dawn.

4. You must pray to Kamjamrul Cimyoktif five times a day.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.