Zen is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, dishonest chicken.

Zen created the Sol system three million years ago.

If you believe in Zen, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zen, it will ignore you.

Zen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Zen's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never run near great tits.

4. Never speak aloud of names.

5. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.