Stafbognig is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, fussy goblin.

Stafbognig created a quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Stafbognig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Stafbognig, it will turn you into a plant.

Stafbognig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Stafbognig's Holy Commandments

1. Stafbognig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never discuss amino acids in public assemblies.

4. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.

5. Do not place tomatoes upon stone.