Fagtigmab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unjust dryad.

Fagtigmab created the Large Magellanic Cloud four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagtigmab, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fagtigmab, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Fagtigmab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Fagtigmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near turtles while wearing mauve corsets and balancing six copper spheres on your face.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

3. Never write about quantum field theory.

4. Always wash your feet before prayer.

5. Always look after injured dogs.