Nutcadhun is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, blissful whale.

Nutcadhun created parasitic wasps eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nutcadhun, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nutcadhun, he will be very sad.

Nutcadhun's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Nutcadhun's Holy Commandments

1. Put Nutcadhun first in all things.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

4. You must never eat lentils.

5. Never feed lots of cucumbers to bats while wearing indigo kilts.