Tarpgilnib Lapvidpigflamvag Motgatpib is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, idiotic gerbil.

Tarpgilnib Lapvidpigflamvag Motgatpib created a strange quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpgilnib Lapvidpigflamvag Motgatpib, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarpgilnib Lapvidpigflamvag Motgatpib, he will remove you from existence.

Tarpgilnib Lapvidpigflamvag Motgatpib's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tarpgilnib Lapvidpigflamvag Motgatpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never adorn your face with fawn markings.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never eat limes.