Hakstercab is a god.

She takes the form of a small, wise raccoon.

Hakstercab created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakstercab, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Hakstercab, she will boil you in a big pot.

Hakstercab's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Hakstercab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near grasshopers while wearing brown trousers and balancing six platinum spheres on your neck.

2. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Hakstercab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always share bread with strangers, but never with gulls.