Spagstanbut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, competent goblin.

Spagstanbut created dark matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Spagstanbut, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Spagstanbut, she will turn you into a puffin.

Spagstanbut's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Spagstanbut's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not consume limes at dawn.

3. Always look after injured seals.

4. Do not study nucleic acids on holy days.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.