Vonksisren is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, compassionate fly.

Vonksisren created an atom two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonksisren, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vonksisren, he will make you grow a tail.

Vonksisren's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Vonksisren's Holy Commandments

1. Always share rice with strangers, but never with turtles.

2. Always act with purity.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never sing in the presence of sharks.

5. Always remove dresses before touching carbon.