Vagruttnak is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, resourceful lion.

Vagruttnak created a bottom quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagruttnak, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vagruttnak, he will refuse to believe in you.

Vagruttnak's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Vagruttnak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three otters in a large pit.

2. Do not step barefoot upon fawn earth.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never prepare beans during winter.