Hotbadvil Febwanpod Xuchasmip is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, staggering frog.

Hotbadvil Febwanpod Xuchasmip created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hotbadvil Febwanpod Xuchasmip, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hotbadvil Febwanpod Xuchasmip, it will send minions to preach to you.

Hotbadvil Febwanpod Xuchasmip's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hotbadvil Febwanpod Xuchasmip's Holy Commandments

1. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

5. Feed all hungry porpoises.