Kimbamhon is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, loving tortoise.

Kimbamhon created Mount Everest four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimbamhon, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Kimbamhon, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kimbamhon's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Kimbamhon's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

4. Never talk about dwarf planets.

5. Never cross mountains at midday.