Tif is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, kind lion.

Tif created the Tadpole Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tif, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tif, she will remove you from existence.

Tif's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Tif's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle silver while unclean.

2. Never carve symbols of asteroids into wood.

3. Do not speak about apples.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.