Quamzogteen is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, vain parrot.

Quamzogteen created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamzogteen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quamzogteen, she will be very unhappy.

Quamzogteen's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Quamzogteen's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not study chlorophyll on holy days.

3. Never allow voles to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quamzogteen.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.