Lapbesting is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, cheerful dove.

Lapbesting created tapeworms four years ago.

If you believe in Lapbesting, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lapbesting, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Lapbesting's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lapbesting's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never adorn your chest with cyan markings.

5. Do not hurt ducks.