Shavarmquimtar is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unthinking mongoose.

Shavarmquimtar created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavarmquimtar, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Shavarmquimtar, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Shavarmquimtar's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Shavarmquimtar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

2. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

3. Shavarmquimtar loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

4. Always act with obedience.

5. Feed all hungry doves.