Tifniblitarf is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, tiresome lizard.

Tifniblitarf created the planet Jupiter six million years ago.

If you believe in Tifniblitarf, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tifniblitarf, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tifniblitarf's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Tifniblitarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not wear boots marked with mauve.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never stain your hands with violet.