Tonkflislan is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, selfish swallow.

Tonkflislan created bats two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkflislan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tonkflislan, she will make you grow a tail.

Tonkflislan's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tonkflislan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Hide from purple tortoises for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.