Artmotwat is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, dishonourable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Artmotwat created everything that exists four billion years ago.

If you believe in Artmotwat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Artmotwat, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Artmotwat's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Artmotwat's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross forests at dusk.

2. Never think ill of sick snakes.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Artmotwat.

4. Never sprint near doves.

5. Never speak aloud of numbers.