Gupnadgovmum is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unselfish bee.

Gupnadgovmum created a charm quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupnadgovmum, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gupnadgovmum, she will turn you into a rock.

Gupnadgovmum's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Gupnadgovmum's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never adorn your back with cyan markings.

5. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.