Manlakfom is a god.

She takes the form of a large, pitiless gorilla.

Manlakfom created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Manlakfom, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Manlakfom, she will boil you in a big pot.

Manlakfom's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Manlakfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain standing at dawn.

2. You must pray to Manlakfom five times a day.

3. Always remove corsets before entering holy places.

4. Never feed cucumbers to goats while wearing kilts.

5. Always help doves.