Tonhudbess is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, duplicitous hummingbird.

Tonhudbess created a charm quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonhudbess, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tonhudbess, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tonhudbess' most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tonhudbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

3. Always remove jumpers before touching carbon.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.