Tonkcapzed Wanditdoghad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, almighty mink.

Tonkcapzed Wanditdoghad created Mount Everest three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcapzed Wanditdoghad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tonkcapzed Wanditdoghad, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tonkcapzed Wanditdoghad's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tonkcapzed Wanditdoghad's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat doves with great respect.

2. Run away if seven otters approach from the north.

3. Never allow dogs to witness sacred rites.

4. Never proclaim while facing west.

5. Never pour water over plants.