Kabcidrat Hanbastvid is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, staggering swallow.

Kabcidrat Hanbastvid created Mount Everest nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kabcidrat Hanbastvid, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kabcidrat Hanbastvid, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kabcidrat Hanbastvid's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Kabcidrat Hanbastvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your feet toward the east during prayer.

2. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

3. Do not hurt manatees.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near great tits while wearing green hats and balancing four nickel spheres on your arms.