Zagfigkopcutjad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, amazing fish.

Zagfigkopcutjad created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagfigkopcutjad, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zagfigkopcutjad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zagfigkopcutjad's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Zagfigkopcutjad's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Do not fashion tools from silver.

3. Do not prepare bananas while filled with fear.

4. Run away from blue monkeys, for they are unholy.

5. Never eat parsnips on holy days.