Bestarfkam is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, dishonourable jellyfish.

Bestarfkam created a down quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bestarfkam, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bestarfkam, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Bestarfkam's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Bestarfkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Never feed lots of lemons to bats while wearing fawn stockings.

5. Do not name children after aardvarks.