Vanfedrip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, deceitful fairy.

Vanfedrip created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Vanfedrip, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vanfedrip, she will throw large rocks at you.

Vanfedrip's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vanfedrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Always look after injured great tits.

3. Learn six new languages a year.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.