Yartbepjin is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, overgenerous beaver.

Yartbepjin created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartbepjin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yartbepjin, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yartbepjin's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Yartbepjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never prepare oranges during summer.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near seals while wearing pink corsets and balancing six copper spheres on your feet.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Yartbepjin loves voles, so they must be honoured.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.