Joptanshavdit is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, self-assured finch.

Joptanshavdit created dark energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Joptanshavdit, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Joptanshavdit, it will destroy your favourite star.

Joptanshavdit's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Joptanshavdit's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

3. Never think about dark matter.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near otters while wearing brown trousers and balancing six tin spheres on your chest.

5. Never talk about fire.