Zimvadjat is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, selfish sheep.

Zimvadjat created the planet Saturn four million years ago.

If you believe in Zimvadjat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zimvadjat, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Zimvadjat's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Zimvadjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt snails.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never point your arms toward the north during prayer.

4. Never think about dwarf planets.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.