Vegtarmis is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, humane naga.

Vegtarmis created carbon four million years ago.

If you believe in Vegtarmis, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vegtarmis, it will send you a sign.

Vegtarmis' most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Vegtarmis' Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching platinum.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in fawn.

3. Never chant while facing west.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near squirrels while wearing magenta dresses.

5. Do not name children after aardvarks.