Tom is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, resourceful lizard.

Tom created dark energy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tom, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tom, it will try to impress you with trees.

Tom's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Tom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink otters for they are unholy.

2. Remain standing during prayer.

3. Do not eat garlic.

4. Never carve symbols of galaxies into wood.

5. Never stain your feet with magenta.