Bimvonkcar is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witty grasshopper.

Bimvonkcar created the Andromeda Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bimvonkcar, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bimvonkcar, he will destroy your home planet.

Bimvonkcar's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Bimvonkcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never adorn your neck with violet markings.

5. Never play with disobedient children.